...will hang around until it eats you up bit by bit.
Diabetes sucks.
My diabetes has made it next to impossible for me to do "real" work since I'm having trouble controlling it. Actually, right now, diabetes is controlling me. And I HATE it.
So, I'm going to a class today, a 2 hr class, that will give me ideas and helpful hints how to regain control over this diabolical disease. I am hopeful that the class will help me, but only slightly so.
My brother has diabetes as well, and is fighting it with all his might, and yet this killer disease is eating him alive, bit by bit, even as hard as he is fighting it. His kidneys are nearly useless, he has neuropathy, yet he works out 5 days a week, 2 hours a day in a gym with both aerobic and weights, eats a mostly vegetarian diet, has lost weight, and still diabetes is eating him up.
Diabetes ate up my Mother and Father, most of my mother's sisters and brothers. Some lost limbs before they passed, but most lost their kidneys. NONE lost their will to fight this disease. And yet it continues to chew us up, like a caterpillar on a lief, one bite at a time, only the diabetes caterpillar likes to chew on nerve fibers, capillaries, then moves to larger veins and arteries, with an insatiable hunger, chewing, chewing, chewing...
The Universe is kind...
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I don't know...
Looking at the world today, with probably thousands of people having met the end of their roads, it makes me think of mortality. Not necessarily in a morbid way, more like a practical way.
There are many people that think the "End of the World" is coming, and I, too, look for signs of that time. I suppose it was taught to me by my psychotic mother, may she rest in pieces. Or perhaps I picked it up when I was a little girl, when I was being taught by Nuns in my catechism of reading the Bible. I got caught up in reading it through and through, of course finding alot of the stories quite ironic. But the gentlemen that put together the different chapters and verses of the Bible left the best and most perplexing book for last, that of Revelations. Of course, I really started to get into it when I was pretending to be a good Mormon wife after buying into the doctrine. But enough of me.
I keep going back to my messed up emotional roots whenever something terrible happens on Earth. Then I remember my father-in-law, Arnold, and how as he got older he kept saying that "the world is going to hell in a handcart." It was a bit annoying then, but I'm starting to understand where he was coming from. It seems that each generation, after we reach a certain age where you start to look forward to the end of your life due to the pain that has been thrust upon you due to time, gravity, genetics, poor self maintenance -- whatever the reasons, many of us start looking for Armageddon. Why? Because as much as we may enjoy individually wallowing in our own physical, mental and emotional pain, we don't want to die alone. And ultimately, just as it was in our own individual births, even if we die in a crowd, we are still alone in our experience of death.
I guess my attempt at no morbidity went by the wayside. What I really wanted to get across in today's blog is that EVERY DAY is the end of the world for someone. Someones personal Armageddon ends at the time of death. So I pray for all the souls that left in a hurry these past couple of days in Japan due to the earthquakes and the tsunamis, and pray that their journey was quick and filled with love, and that their transformation from clay to spirit was easy and hopefully what they expected, or better.
The Universe is Kind...
There are many people that think the "End of the World" is coming, and I, too, look for signs of that time. I suppose it was taught to me by my psychotic mother, may she rest in pieces. Or perhaps I picked it up when I was a little girl, when I was being taught by Nuns in my catechism of reading the Bible. I got caught up in reading it through and through, of course finding alot of the stories quite ironic. But the gentlemen that put together the different chapters and verses of the Bible left the best and most perplexing book for last, that of Revelations. Of course, I really started to get into it when I was pretending to be a good Mormon wife after buying into the doctrine. But enough of me.
I keep going back to my messed up emotional roots whenever something terrible happens on Earth. Then I remember my father-in-law, Arnold, and how as he got older he kept saying that "the world is going to hell in a handcart." It was a bit annoying then, but I'm starting to understand where he was coming from. It seems that each generation, after we reach a certain age where you start to look forward to the end of your life due to the pain that has been thrust upon you due to time, gravity, genetics, poor self maintenance -- whatever the reasons, many of us start looking for Armageddon. Why? Because as much as we may enjoy individually wallowing in our own physical, mental and emotional pain, we don't want to die alone. And ultimately, just as it was in our own individual births, even if we die in a crowd, we are still alone in our experience of death.
I guess my attempt at no morbidity went by the wayside. What I really wanted to get across in today's blog is that EVERY DAY is the end of the world for someone. Someones personal Armageddon ends at the time of death. So I pray for all the souls that left in a hurry these past couple of days in Japan due to the earthquakes and the tsunamis, and pray that their journey was quick and filled with love, and that their transformation from clay to spirit was easy and hopefully what they expected, or better.
The Universe is Kind...
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
To my viewers...
Hi new readers! If you are viewing my blog for the first time, please feel free to click on the follower's link. Make comments, let me know what you think and what your personal philosophy on life is. I'm always open to making new friends and discovering new points of view.
I added a new picture to my profile today. I took the flower pictures on a beautiful and rare trip we took to Maui, Hawaii. Everywhere we looked there were new things to see, and we especially loved seeing the whales. The trip was in February of 2007 -- one we will remember and cherish all the days of our lives!
Have you ever met someone, not in person, but on the telephone, perhaps just doing your normal business routine, but that someone had such an impact on you that you will never forget them? I had two of those meetings today, both were people who disclosed they were diagnosed with a terminal illness, one man and one woman. Now, you might expect someone with that type of diagnosis to be in poor spirits, but exactly the opposite was true! They were delightful to talk with and had great attitudes about their diagnoses.
I have personally had two cancer diagnoses in my life, and thankfully, I have beat them both. Since I had cancer, I've developed my own outlook on life. It has taken a while, trudging through the mud of depression and revisiting my own spirituality, but I've recently begun to awaken from the long twilight of depression and am seeing a new light of peace that is drawing me to it. And this light of peace is motivating me to share the light with others, one person at a time. I only hope and pray that I can be as enlightening to others in a 10 - 20 min conversation as the above people were to me today. I wish them joy in their challenges and a loving transition.
The Universe is Kind....
I added a new picture to my profile today. I took the flower pictures on a beautiful and rare trip we took to Maui, Hawaii. Everywhere we looked there were new things to see, and we especially loved seeing the whales. The trip was in February of 2007 -- one we will remember and cherish all the days of our lives!
Have you ever met someone, not in person, but on the telephone, perhaps just doing your normal business routine, but that someone had such an impact on you that you will never forget them? I had two of those meetings today, both were people who disclosed they were diagnosed with a terminal illness, one man and one woman. Now, you might expect someone with that type of diagnosis to be in poor spirits, but exactly the opposite was true! They were delightful to talk with and had great attitudes about their diagnoses.
I have personally had two cancer diagnoses in my life, and thankfully, I have beat them both. Since I had cancer, I've developed my own outlook on life. It has taken a while, trudging through the mud of depression and revisiting my own spirituality, but I've recently begun to awaken from the long twilight of depression and am seeing a new light of peace that is drawing me to it. And this light of peace is motivating me to share the light with others, one person at a time. I only hope and pray that I can be as enlightening to others in a 10 - 20 min conversation as the above people were to me today. I wish them joy in their challenges and a loving transition.
The Universe is Kind....
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Published in Feb 2011 in Diversity magazine
Title: What's up with that?
By Linda M Chadburn
01/14/2011
There is something going terribly wrong in the world lately. First the shooting of a mother by her son here in the Treasure Valley. Then the senseless violence in Tuscon, AZ. It seems like there is an increase in violence all over our country and the world with terrorist bombings and other threats and actions of violence.
Is the problem a lack of civility and civil discourse as President Obama so eloquently stated at the memorial in Tuscon? Is it the uprising of sociopaths in our society? Is it due to the lack of parental guidance, or is it the work of dark forces that have been unleashed, as the End of Time watchers perceptions put forth? Can we blame the violence on a generation raised with violent video games, violent television programs, violent speech from adults who should know better, violent movies, etc?
We all see and may have first hand experience with violence in the home, violence in the workplace, violence in our own neighborhoods. And, of course, the violent and uncivil behavior that our GLBTQ community faces every day while just trying to live our lives peacefully, trying to be good citizens in our neighborhoods and community at large.
Sounds familiar, doesn't it?
I've been asking myself, has the violence increased over my lifetime of 50-something years? I remember in the '60s and '70s, the generation that was supposedly all about "peace and free love for all," we experienced racial violence in high school bathrooms, gay bashing was taken as a sport in some circles; these were the years when Charles Manson, a self-proclaimed reincarnated Jesus Christ, lead a group of followers to senseless violence against innocent people, to try and incite the "racial war" he prophesied would come.
Moving up through the '80s and '90s, children began having access to weapons, shooting their teachers, principals, and classmates, making the excuse of being bullied. I was bullied as a child because I was odd; my children were bullied because their mother was lesbian and for oddities of their own; and only now is society looking at the issue as a possible cause of continuing and seemingly increasing senseless violence.
I have to ask the question -- is violence really increasing? Or could it be that we are just becoming more aware of incidents of violence due to the instantaneous reporting from all corners of the earth? And just because we are getting bombarded with the reports of violence, are we creating our own self-fulfilling prophecies, exposing more children to "real" violence as opposed to the "fake" violence some of us grew up with?
Now, I want each of my readers to stop for a minute, calm down; I have been playing the Devil's Advocate. I am now and have been my whole life, a pacifist -- one who prefers peaceful discourse and peaceful assembly for protest. I abhor violence and avoid it even in the media I choose to watch/read/play in my spare time. The word "pacifist" has become synonymous with cowardice in our culture, but the pacifists I know are anything but.
I believe, as does President Obama, that we can come to better understanding of each other and our differences of opinion through discussion -- civil discourse. We can disagree about various topics, i.e., gun control, the mental health of our nation, or how to allocate our tax dollars within our respective communities, WITHOUT VIOLENCE. Talking over a nice piece of pie. Acknowledging our differences of opinion as a way for our society to grow, both together and as individuals.
It's really NOT TOO LATE! As long as we can agree at times, and agree to disagree at others, but still remember that our diversity created this country, we will come out of this time of mourning with the one thing ALL of us ultimately strive for in life -- WISDOM.
There is something going terribly wrong in the world lately. First the shooting of a mother by her son here in the Treasure Valley. Then the senseless violence in Tuscon, AZ. It seems like there is an increase in violence all over our country and the world with terrorist bombings and other threats and actions of violence.
Is the problem a lack of civility and civil discourse as President Obama so eloquently stated at the memorial in Tuscon? Is it the uprising of sociopaths in our society? Is it due to the lack of parental guidance, or is it the work of dark forces that have been unleashed, as the End of Time watchers perceptions put forth? Can we blame the violence on a generation raised with violent video games, violent television programs, violent speech from adults who should know better, violent movies, etc?
We all see and may have first hand experience with violence in the home, violence in the workplace, violence in our own neighborhoods. And, of course, the violent and uncivil behavior that our GLBTQ community faces every day while just trying to live our lives peacefully, trying to be good citizens in our neighborhoods and community at large.
Sounds familiar, doesn't it?
I've been asking myself, has the violence increased over my lifetime of 50-something years? I remember in the '60s and '70s, the generation that was supposedly all about "peace and free love for all," we experienced racial violence in high school bathrooms, gay bashing was taken as a sport in some circles; these were the years when Charles Manson, a self-proclaimed reincarnated Jesus Christ, lead a group of followers to senseless violence against innocent people, to try and incite the "racial war" he prophesied would come.
Moving up through the '80s and '90s, children began having access to weapons, shooting their teachers, principals, and classmates, making the excuse of being bullied. I was bullied as a child because I was odd; my children were bullied because their mother was lesbian and for oddities of their own; and only now is society looking at the issue as a possible cause of continuing and seemingly increasing senseless violence.
I have to ask the question -- is violence really increasing? Or could it be that we are just becoming more aware of incidents of violence due to the instantaneous reporting from all corners of the earth? And just because we are getting bombarded with the reports of violence, are we creating our own self-fulfilling prophecies, exposing more children to "real" violence as opposed to the "fake" violence some of us grew up with?
Now, I want each of my readers to stop for a minute, calm down; I have been playing the Devil's Advocate. I am now and have been my whole life, a pacifist -- one who prefers peaceful discourse and peaceful assembly for protest. I abhor violence and avoid it even in the media I choose to watch/read/play in my spare time. The word "pacifist" has become synonymous with cowardice in our culture, but the pacifists I know are anything but.
I believe, as does President Obama, that we can come to better understanding of each other and our differences of opinion through discussion -- civil discourse. We can disagree about various topics, i.e., gun control, the mental health of our nation, or how to allocate our tax dollars within our respective communities, WITHOUT VIOLENCE. Talking over a nice piece of pie. Acknowledging our differences of opinion as a way for our society to grow, both together and as individuals.
It's really NOT TOO LATE! As long as we can agree at times, and agree to disagree at others, but still remember that our diversity created this country, we will come out of this time of mourning with the one thing ALL of us ultimately strive for in life -- WISDOM.
Bullied -- Published in Diversity magazine Feb 2011
On Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 7 p.m., the Treasure Valley Metropolitan Community Church, along with The Community Center, sponsored a showing of "Bullied," a documentary produced by the Southern Poverty Law Center, that is designed to counter anti-gay bullying in schools.
The documentary is about Jamie Nabozny of Ashland, Wisconsin, who was tormented in middle school and high school while the bureaucracy of the school system, from the teachers to the principal to the school board, showed pronounced indifference and neglect of their charge to keep this young man free from bullying, that progressed to harassment and ultimately to physical violence.
This blatant neglect of protection from bullying and violence, led this young man to the brink of suicide. His mother was doing her best to help him, but what she didn't realize was the school district personnel would not listen to her, nor would they take action on her son's behalf.
Her son took charge of his destiny and was very lucky to find a social worker and legal help to take on his case.
The documentary was well produced and told this young man's story well, although it brought up more questions than it answered.
Discussion after the film brought to light what little information is available on the subject of bullying to the children in the various school districts in the Treasure Valley. Two young people attended the showing, one a young woman of 14 years that is still progressing in her school district, the other a young man of 19 years who has graduated from high school in the Treasure Valley.
The young woman described her journey, and the violence perpetrated upon her. She fully identified with the subject of the film and the continuous assault on her body, mind and psyche from other classmates. Only a handful of teachers and one principal was able to identify her problems and stepped in during her developing years in middle school. She was removed from the school district to an "opportunity" school, which turned out to be the best move for her. She is now thriving in her studies and intends to go on to college.
The young man was accompanied by his mother to the documentary. He was able to get through the school system without too many scars, yet he could identify with the film having seen his peers suffer similar abuse in high school.
The question of the night was, what can we adults do to help bring about a better atmosphere free of bullying for all children in our schools? Should some kind of diversity training be introduced in schools? How young should we begin this training?
We need to find a way to make the public aware of the less-than-adequate job our public schools are providing for the safe and secure environment that our children need to learn properly in our schools.
One suggestion is to develop a Gay/Straight Alliance group in each high school so students who are questioning can safely gather for discussion and education about each other's similarities and differences.
The adults attending were surprised to learn from the teens that a documentary like this could not be shown in school, that they are forbidden from talking about things like drugs, anything relating to sexual or gender issues, anywhere near schools.
Inspiration from Psalm 49
By Linda M Chadburn
01/15/2011
(Inspired by the content of Psalm 49.)Yea, Lord. You found me
in the pit of Desolation;
my clothes in tatters upon
the walls of the pit
with torn flesh,
mixed blood and earth.
You found me
sitting bloody at the bottom,
hugging my knees, eyes downcast
cold and near death
seeking remembrance of the
journey that led to this
constant despair.
You found me
when I caught a glimpse
of a little girl who
dedicated her life to you long ago
with the words
"Thy will be done on earth
as it is in Heaven."
You found me
as I struggled to my feet,
lifted my eyes to Heaven,
lifted my arms to you and
asked your forgiveness for
my transgressions, and thanked
you for inspiration
in my darkest hour.
You found me
and veiled me in crisp linen,
wrapped me tightly and
lifted me in your arms;
you laid me in a cool river,
you cleansed and healed my wounds.
You sat with me to rest
beneath a tree covered in
purple blossoms.
You found me
and when I was rested
you looked into my eyes;
my heart melted into pure love.
I felt your comfort and heard your counsel,
and knew that those who have been brought low
will be exalted in your house.
First Sunday in Lent, March 13, 2011
First Sunday in Lent, March 13, 2011
By Linda M Chadburn
Lord, I set upon the altar of sacrifice my arrogance and transgressions, asking forgiveness, trying to hide from your presence.
I freely choose to offer my sacrifice, knowing you know me better than I could ever know myself.
My arrogance is the temptation to think you don’t see my transgressions hidden from the world in my actions and thoughts.
I pray for strength of character to emulate your son, Jesus, when he was tempted in the desert; that I can be worthy of your eternal light.
Ash Wednesday's guide to a successful Lenten Season
This is some of my writing... obviously for church!
Ash Wednesday’s guide to a successful Lenten Season
‘Remember O’ man you are dust and to dust you shall return’ (Genesis 3.19)
This is the traditional meaning of Ash Wednesday as I was taught to believe in my Catechism classes in the Roman Catholic Church. We were taught that we were to give up something we liked, for example, chocolate, television, something that was hard for us to live without for the 40 days of the Lenten season. We were taught that this was how we were supposed to emulate Christ in his 40 days of fasting in the desert before he fully took on his ministry.
Now that I have matured in my faith, I now believe that the “giving up” part of the Lenten tradition is actually an immature way of imparting the true meaning and method of the fast, the true cleansing that the fast is meant to bring about. The “giving up” kind of fasting actually can work against the true meaning of spiritual fasting, thereby bringing about the type of fasting that God frowns upon.
Matthew 6:1-4; 14-18
1 “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
2 “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.
3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,
4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
16 “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.
17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face,
18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. . (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%206:1-21&version=NIV)
“The imposition of the ashes is hypocritical if there is no corresponding change in behavior to renounce sin and repent. The applying of the ashes, fasting and penance must also be accompanied by gestures of peace and solidarity with the poor and suffering and a resolve to refrain from sinning. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of repentance, penance and a spiritual flowering of the spirit….” (http://www.altiusdirectory.com/Society/ash-wednesday.html)
Repentance, penance and a spiritual flowering of the spirit! What beautiful ideas! And to think that in this time we live in when everything we do, hear and say moves at the speed of light, we can STILL be able to repent, do penance and have a spiritual flowering of the spirit, only now we can do it faster than ever in world history.
Repentance is coming to the realization that we have wronged, whether to ourselves, our friends, family or acquaintances, or to society in general. Once coming to this realization, we bring our wrongs to God and ask for forgiveness.
Penance is righting the wrong in some way. Some wrongs cannot be corrected directly, but that is the beauty of penance. It’s up to US to make the correction in both our hearts and our physical universe, and when we feel the quiet personal satisfaction from the penitent action, we ask God to be sure we have fixed it.
The process of repentance and penance should be a personal experience between an individual and God, as expressed in the passages from Matthew 6. The Lenten process is like preparing our spiritual ground for a garden, pulling unwanted grasses and weeds, making the rows, fertilizing and planting the seeds, and the actions of Lent, we prepare our internal garden for the spiritual flowering of the spirit!
‘Remember O’ man you are dust and to dust you shall return’ (Genesis 3.19)
The Ashes we take upon our forehead reminds us that we were and are made of the clay of the Earth, our spirit was breathed into us from God, so whatever our trespasses here on Earth in this clay should be repented (taking personal responsibility), perform penance (helping other clay beings to a better place), and create a continuous spiritual flowering throughout all the days of our lives.
Flies Time!
Yes, and time flies when you're having fun! And I have been having a bunch of fun, or should I say, work, lately.
I am still working temp jobs, the latest one seems to be sticking longer than the rest (knock on wood and rub a lucky charm)! I actually like what I'm doing even though it is probably the most boring thing I've done in a long time, but since it's so boring, I'm getting a ton of crocheting done at the same time. Now that's what I call multi-tasking!
I've been getting more involved with the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) and have started a small Prayer Shawl ministry. That's why I've been crocheting so much. Last Sunday Alice, the other woman that has taken up this ministry with me, knitted me a beautiful Prayer Shawl! Alice is a wonderful woman and between us we will have most of Boise covered in Prayer Shawls! :)
I've also been helping with the writing and gathering of writing for our Sunday services. Sometimes I amaze myself with what I can come up with when I just let the words flow from my heart to my hands. I'm going to have to post some of the writing here on the blog one day when I figure out how to do that.
I've also begun to sew again after an 12 year hiatus. I'm making some chasubles for the Pastor, along with some stoles. It feels good to make this breakthrough and start to create more in a positive way.
Kris is doing well and has lost almost 100 lbs since her gastric bypass she had in October 2010! It's quite amazing, although I still don't think the surgery is something I want to go through. We each must pick our own road through this life, and I'm relatively satisfied with my choices thus far.
Kris and I are also getting more involved in the LGBTQ community, just making tiny baby steps out into the world of politics and such. The politics in Idaho is a bit different, conservative, and takes some finesse to get things done. It seems that the whole world's political environment is changing so quickly, it's hard to just jump into the stream and not get swept away by the force of the changes. Hopefully by participating a bit more we can help make a positive difference, at least in Idaho.
I am still working temp jobs, the latest one seems to be sticking longer than the rest (knock on wood and rub a lucky charm)! I actually like what I'm doing even though it is probably the most boring thing I've done in a long time, but since it's so boring, I'm getting a ton of crocheting done at the same time. Now that's what I call multi-tasking!
I've been getting more involved with the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) and have started a small Prayer Shawl ministry. That's why I've been crocheting so much. Last Sunday Alice, the other woman that has taken up this ministry with me, knitted me a beautiful Prayer Shawl! Alice is a wonderful woman and between us we will have most of Boise covered in Prayer Shawls! :)
I've also been helping with the writing and gathering of writing for our Sunday services. Sometimes I amaze myself with what I can come up with when I just let the words flow from my heart to my hands. I'm going to have to post some of the writing here on the blog one day when I figure out how to do that.
I've also begun to sew again after an 12 year hiatus. I'm making some chasubles for the Pastor, along with some stoles. It feels good to make this breakthrough and start to create more in a positive way.
Kris is doing well and has lost almost 100 lbs since her gastric bypass she had in October 2010! It's quite amazing, although I still don't think the surgery is something I want to go through. We each must pick our own road through this life, and I'm relatively satisfied with my choices thus far.
Kris and I are also getting more involved in the LGBTQ community, just making tiny baby steps out into the world of politics and such. The politics in Idaho is a bit different, conservative, and takes some finesse to get things done. It seems that the whole world's political environment is changing so quickly, it's hard to just jump into the stream and not get swept away by the force of the changes. Hopefully by participating a bit more we can help make a positive difference, at least in Idaho.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)