To move, or not to move....

That is the question.  Whether it is better to run than to hunker down and make what is not currently working work, or run like hell is chasing me.

This is unfortunately where I am currently in my life.

I am feeling in a bit of a fog, not understanding what has happened.  I know I have skills that are marketable, yet I feel unmarketable.  I have been trying to do what I think in right, yet seem to e making the wrong decisions at every turn.  What can I say?  What can I do?  How can I pray?  Why aren't the answers coming to me like they used to?

I have run before from hell.  I ran from hell when I left Las Vegas, and felt like I had demons chasing me.  Well, unfortunately I was right.  Not only did the demons chase me, they caught up and smashed everything to bits.  So obviously the running isn't really a good thing to do.

I've tried different jobs, mostly call center jobs.  I have found that call center jobs are one of the rings of hell that Dante Alighieri talked about in "The Divine Comedy."  BTW, why did he call it the Divine Comedy anyway...it really isn't very funny, even if the rings were allegories to states of mind and being in this world, not the next.

One thing I think I've figured out about life in general is that you can't run from the demons.  They are like klingons, holding onto you even when you think they are gone.  What I need is a whole mess of Charmin bathroom tissue to get rid of the klingons, at least that's what the almightly television commercial gods tell me.

I just listened to Carole King's Tapestry song on YouTube, and God bless Carole King!  She always takes me back to reality.  Listen to the Tapestry song and you'll know what I mean.

The Universe is Kind...even when it's cruel, it's kind.

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If you don't like the road you're walking...

I lifted this picture from a friend who had posted it today because it really spoke to me in a powerful way. 

I haven't liked the direction of my life for some time now.  I've been feeling demoralized by not being able to get a job/keep a job, etc, along with feeling bad about my health situation, creditors calling ad infinitum, and just feeling a bit worthless.

But then a few things started me thinking -- thinking about what it is I have to offer the world, how I can effect change, what I can contribute to the massive change that the entire world is going through RIGHT NOW. 

I started back when I was a child, thinking about the things that I used to do and feel passionate about.  So I started babysitting which is the very first paying job I ever had!  While I've been babysitting I've been crocheting hats.  Hats that I can sell to people who want them, hats I can give away to those who need them, hats that show that I have created something that is useful with my own two hands! 

I've found it gives me pleasure to create with my hands.

I also find pleasure in writing, another way of creating with my hands.  It's interesting to me that I suffer from a strange affliction.  I have great difficulty getting words from my brain to my mouth, but find it incredibly easy to get my thoughts clearly from my brain to my hands!  So why not start writing more.

Then an opportunity has come along from the Diversity News Magazine in the Treasure Valley, Idaho, to help revitalize the publication to better serve the needs of the LGBTQ community and our allies.  This opportunity will not only allow me my expression through my hands, but tap the untapped resource that I paid good money for in the '80s, my education and continuing interest in Marketing and Advertising!  What a concept.

So, as the sneaker says, I am beginning to start paving my own road.  It may take a while to clear the brush and rocks, maybe some explosives to move part of a mountain, more study about the lay of the land, environmental studies so I don't run over some endangered species along the way.  But a new road I will build, new signs for others to follow and perhaps make their journey a bit more pleasant.

And once again, I remind myself that the Universe is Kind...

My First Sermon

I was asked to prepare a Sermon for my church, the Treasure Valley Metropolitan Community Church, due to our Pastor Renee's illness.  Before reading this, I ask that you pray, in whatever way you may pray, for Pastor Renee McCall, and that the doctors may find out her illness and bring her to healing.  Thanks.

July 24, 2011

Today is a beautiful day!  It is a day the Creator made, a day filled with everything we need.

Today men and women, gay and lesbian couples in the State of New York, are actually getting legally and lawfully married!

Today is also one day closer to the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, for our brothers and sisters in the United States Armed Forces!

And we praise God for the progress we have seen for the LGBTQ  Community in our lifetimes!

So how did this beautiful day come to be?

Our scripture readings today actually tell us how this, and in fact every beautiful day, is created.

The passages in Matthew all describe Jesus speaking in parables, in story form.  We all remember how teenagers talk, with “like” beginning every sentence.  That’s what talking in parables is like.

Why did Jesus talk in parables all day?  The scriptures say it was to fulfill what the prophets of old had prophesied about the Messiah, Jesus.

Ok, we can accept that.  Everything that was prophesied about the Messiah needed to be fulfilled, fulfilled for the Old Testament believers, the Israelites, because under the Law of Moses, those who were given the law needed to follow the law and be prepared, needed to watch for, the fulfillment of the Law.

And how blessed are those who have seen and believed in Jesus as the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of the Living God!

But, why else would Jesus talk in parables all day?  I believe it was because Jesus had enough experience teaching people to know that everyone learns in different ways, because each of us walk a different path, each of us have had, and continue to have, different life experiences, both good and bad.  By talking in parables, Jesus was accepting each of the people for who and what they were, what they had already experienced in life.  He wanted to make his message of our Creator, the Living God, clear to those who would hear Him.

He wants each of us to understand that God loves ALL of his children.  And that ALL who believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Messiah, and ALL who know this as fact, can ACCEPT THEMSELVES as a child of the Living God, the brother or sister of Jesus Christ.

The passages in Romans 8: 26-39, really drive this point home.  These verses talk about the Spirit, God’s Holy Spirit, who is our direct link to God our Creator, and to Jesus Christ, our brother.

V26 “The Spirit, too, comes to help us in our weakness.”

What is considered our weakness?  Financial hardships, like I am presently contending with; illness that is not fully diagnosed, like Pastor Renee is experiencing right now; illness that is diagnosed and being treated, like Gloria is experiencing with her heart; the inequality that the LGBTQ Community has been, and is still being, subjected to by the laws of the land and the Law of Moses (which we as followers of Christ know was fulfilled by Jesus Christ’s life).

V26 continues, “For we don’t know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit expresses our plea with groaning’s too deep for words.”

“Groaning’s too deep for words.”

Have you ever felt that kind of connection to the Holy Spirit?  Have you ever been humbled by circumstances to the point where you give up all control to God, to Jesus Christ?

And what did you feel when you gave up the control of the situation or circumstance you found yourself in, of your weakness, to the capable hands of the Holy Spirit, to the Living God, to Christ?

Joy?  Relief?  A cleansing?

Did you start to feel the lightening of what was a weakness, a burden, and start to feel the warmth, light and lightness of Love?

That’s how this beautiful day was created.  This is how we can, and do, overcome our weaknesses and burdens.  This is how equality comes to ALL.  It is like the parable of the faith of a mustard seed.  Once we each know who we are, once we have full faith in the Creator, in Jesus Christ as our brother, in the Holy Spirit as our direct connection to the Living God, once we live our authentic selves and respect each other as brothers and sisters, THIS is when miracles happen!  THIS is when we can heal and be healed.

THIS is when each day can be as beautiful a day as this day is today!

I say this in Jesus’ blessed Name.  Amen.

Mercy Trumps Judgment

What do you do with a wayward child?  Love them even more.  Anger only strengthens their resistance. The same goes for spouses, friends, employees, parents…
Mercy always trumps judgment.

This is from the daily email I get from the website that has Kaballah on it.  I know that it's something I REALLY need to hear today, because the anger I am feeling is really deep and hurts really bad.  Even though I know that I should love more and replace the anger I feel with love instead, I am feeling my humanity, I am feeling the clay I am made of, I'm not feeling very spiritual.

I really try and succeed most of the time.  Change the angle I'm looking at the situation and love the hate that is being aimed at me from others.  From the hate I'm feeling from myself, THAT'S the one that is the deal-breaker.  This hate tells me I'm not good enough, I'm not thin enough, I don't exercise enough, I don't pray enough, I shouldn't feel the way I feel, yet I feel the way I feel because of having been told the above all my life. 

I'm just sick of it.  I know I am good enough.  I know I have a way to go to be physically fit, but then, as I look at all the other clay figures moving around in this life, each of them have the same challenge.  I pray plenty, and have my own conversations with the Universe, and the Universe thinks I'm just fine and am moving in the right direction. 

So I suppose I should feel the anger I feel, and that I'm justified in feeling it.  Now, do I make a change that is radical, or do I change the angle that I'm looking at it and bring love back? 

Why do I even have to ask this question?  Just asking the question hurts me deeply.  The Universe only wants me to act in love.  And I have to look at the reality I am currently in and make that decision -- here's a fork in the road, the signs both have the same message -- This way to love.  That way to love.  Both choices are always rocky and filled with deep grooves and potholes that need to be avoided. 

And just why did I sign up for this when I decided to come into this life? 

The Universe is Kind...even when It's cruel, It's Kind.

What a wonderful evening!

I remembered a happy memory from my childhood.  It was the 4th of July fireworks in Roosevelt Park in Edison, NJ, sometime in the 1960s, the smells of summer -- barbecues, squeels of joy from kids playing tag, the throwing of frisbees, people on blankets, chairs that would only last one summer or so, people biking around the lake that we had just 6 months earlier straped on ice skates to be the next skating star! 

That's what I remembered while laying on a blanket in Anne Morrison Park in Boise, ID, last night waiting for the fireworks display.  There were thousands of people there, and yet it didn't feel like it was crowded.  Kris and I were invited by our friends Judy, Renee and Diane to share the evening with them.

And what a display it was! It lasted only about 20 minutes, which I always remembered the displays being longer somehow, but I believe memory of childhood doesn't come with the correct timing. 

The fireworks display, as beautiful as it was, was totally secondary to the experience of just hanging out with good friends, feeling childhood memories instead of just thinking about them. 

Joy.  A joy that as adults we rarely get to experience in our "adult" world of responsibilities.  It made me want to have more of these joyous experiences, the kind that makes life worth living, the kind that MEANS living.

The Universe is Kind...

LGBT Pride in Boise, ID

Well, we successfully made it through this past week of Boise Pride!  It was incredibly fun, Kris and I, along with other MCC members, worked the MCC booth at Pride this year. 

What a wonderful crowd!  I would estimate between 2,000 to 3,000 people or more showed up to fill our space in Ann Morrison Park on Saturday.  I was able to meet many new people and actually met up with some old friends that I hadn't seen in years!  There were Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual, Queer AND Straight people who came to enjoy the loving and accepting atmosphere that had been created by all different types of groups. 

The A.L.P.H.A. group who are deeply involved in HIV and AIDS education and assistance for people with the disease, were there doing anonymous testing for the HIV virus.  I was amazed because I hadn't been tested since 1994 when they would take a vial of blood and then give you a number, etc.  Back then it was a big event just to find out your status.  Now, they swab your mouth, give you an ID number, and within 20 min, you know your HIV status!  Thank God that science has come such a long way to make it as easy as taking a pregnancy test! (and for those who are nosey, I am neither HIV positive NOR pregnant, thank you very much!)

As with all Pride celebrations I have attended, there were things that could have been done or organized better, but all in all, the celebration went VERY well.  I hope that more organizations in the Treasure Valley can get together earlier, and that the Boise Pride organization will allow, other organizations participate and help organize the 2012 event.  Everyone would benefit from community cooperation and dedication to the real meaning of Pride... to celebrate our similarities and differences!

The Universe is Kind...

David and Jonathan

Today is Sunday, so as I have been doing for the last year or so, I went to my church, the Metropolitan Community Church.  During the month of June, the MCC celebrates what is called Pridetide, celebrating the diversity of all people of all belief systems, all lesbians, gays, transgendered and bisexual, along with all other colors and spectrum's of the rainbow that makes up human kind.

Today we were blessed with a special service that was conducted by both Nancy and Judy, two beautiful women of our congregation.  The passages that were particularly moving were that of the story of Ruth and Naomi, and the other about David and Jonathan.

The story of Ruth and Naomi is one I had not known much about, but the gist of the story was that Naomi was Ruth's mother-in-law, and both their husbands had died, and Naomi had lost both of her sons, making Ruth and Orpah, her daughter-in-laws, widows as well.  Naomi brought both of her daughter-in-laws back to the lands of their parents and encouraged them to go back to their people to live out their lives.  Orpah did just that.  But Ruth refused, because she loved Naomi, more than a mother-in-law, and told her that "wherever thou goest, I will go. And wherever thou dies, I will die and be buried next to you."  Ruth had a powerful love for Naomi, and that powerful love was mocked by their neighbors.

The story of David and Jonathan was similar, where in the bible the verses speak of "David's love for Jonathan, and Jonathan's for David, surpassed that of their love of women." 

I was never aware of that passage in the bible.

I was aware of my son, David, and his strong friendship with Jonathan, who I used to call my second son.  They were virtually inseparable all through the end of elementary school, middle school, and what high school they had together.  I would take David and Jonathan camping out at Lake Mead before it was a national park.  We would go fishing from the shore, and my father would take the boys out on his tiny boat to fish on as regular a basis as his old boat would work.  My brother took the boys to learn how to hunt small game, jackrabbits, quail, basically anything that moved in the desert.  I remember David brought home a jackrabbit he had killed and skinned, was so proud of his kill, and we soaked it in a brine bath overnight then put it in the freezer.  I never did get to try to cook his jackrabbit.

I have fond memories of what David, Jonathan, Rebecca and my partner Ruth at that time, would do for our recreation.  Today with the stories at church, I broke down and cried like a baby.  Cried like David had died yesterday, cried like Jonathan, who also died at a young age, had died yesterday.  I cried about Ruth's song, because I, too, had been told those same words as an oath to me that was broken without remorse.  I cried for the time I missed with my daughter, Rebecca, who thankfully survived the death of her only brother, but not without some serious emotional scars, not the least of which was not having a mother fully present during her crucial teenage development years.  I was absent, and eventually became physically absent by moving away.

The most important lesson I took from today's service is that Jesus taught us that it is only when we forgive those that have hurt us, including forgiving ourselves for our own trespasses, only then in the forgiveness process can we find true peace.  "Peace I give you.  My peace I leave unto you." 

Peace.  The one thing I have been searching for has been here in my heart the whole time.  I need to forgive myself for my trespasses, including those I have trespassed by talking badly about my father and mother.  I need to ask for their forgiveness for my transgressions, both before and after they died.  I need to ask forgiveness from both David and Jonathan for not having let them go before now, and for any thing I forgot to do for them, and any time I forgot to tell them that I love them.

I especially need to forgive myself and ask forgiveness of my precious daughter, Rebecca, for the many trespasses I have done against her, ask for her forgiveness for my not being present when she needed me most.  I am so sorry that I wasn't able to be stronger for you, Rebecca.  You deserved that in a mother, and lucky for you, many others have been able to fill in the gaps that I left in your life.  But please know this: I love you more than life itself.

So Peace I leave you.  My Peace I give unto you.  Forgiveness is the key that sets you free.

The Universe is Kind...

Empowered by God (to do God's work)

At one time in my life I was a converted member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I was a good Mormon wife, trying my best to be what I thought God wanted me to be.  I was actively running away from my true self, the same true self I had been living with for years, growing up as a practicing Roman Catholic.

I had a deep desire all my life to stand up for what was right, to be a champion for God and the truth of Jesus Christ.  I prayed incessantly for the “thorn in my side,” my feelings of deep affection toward women, to be taken from me, but wasn’t able to get a clear answer.  Instead, I was continually being drawn to women instead of away.

Occasionally while in deep meditation and prayer, I actually get a very clear answer from the “still, small voice” of the Holy Spirit.  One time when I was being very specific in my prayer, asking why I was attracted to this one woman, I basically surrendered to God’s will.  I received a clear and concise answer – “Tell her.  Remember, the truth will set you free.”

So of course I told her how I felt, and luckily for me, she was kind and understanding, although she was a straight woman. 

Why was this lucky?  Because it was the first time I had ever told ANYONE my truth, and was not beaten down, struck by lightning, or any other bad thing.  The best outcome after actually speaking my truth, I began my journey to living my truth.  Indeed, the key to my internal freedom was “speaking my truth quietly and clearly,” both to someone with whom I felt safe, and more importantly, to myself.

So, what is God’s work in all of this?  What God wants for each of us is actually very simple, yet very hard to implement in most peoples’ lives – To be true to ourselves!  Be true in all our transactions, interactions, having continuity between our body, mind and spirit.  Live our truth, stand up for truth when truth is being trampled, and be willing to give our lives for the truth. 

The Universe is Kind....

SheWired’s Shot of The Day: Amy Poehler ‘Parks & Recreation’s Golden Goddess

SheWired’s Shot of The Day: Amy Poehler ‘Parks &amp; Recreation’s Golden Goddess

I just wanted this on my blog.  No good reason!

A royal day

Everyone and their third cousins have been talking about the royal wedding that happened today.  I hate to admit this, but yes, I was awake and watching the nuptuals.  I remember when William's parents, Diana and dumbnuts, were married 30 years ago, and I must say, I think that Katherine is SO much more prepared for celebrity than Diana was.

It's almost a shame that people need to put one another, or themselves, on a pedestal, where every breath they take is being watched, as if their breathing is somehow making the world a better place.  All we can hope for is for this young couple to be able to grow old together gracefully, have a whole bunch of children in order to put many out of work nannies back on the job.

All in all, it was a beautiful wedding, and if the Brits must have a monarchy, then they definitely have a beautiful couple to go gaga for.

How does this make the Universe a better place? 

Diana was gracious enough to give us William, and she is smiling down from above.  So...

The Universe is Kind...

What doesn't kill you...

...will hang around until it eats you up bit by bit.

Diabetes sucks.

My diabetes has made it next to impossible for me to do "real" work since I'm having trouble controlling it.  Actually, right now, diabetes is controlling me.  And I HATE it. 

So, I'm going to a class today, a 2 hr class, that will give me ideas and helpful hints how to regain control over this diabolical disease.  I am hopeful that the class will help me, but only slightly so.

My brother has diabetes as well, and is fighting it with all his might, and yet this killer disease is eating him alive, bit by bit, even as hard as he is fighting it.  His kidneys are nearly useless, he has neuropathy, yet he works out 5 days a week, 2 hours a day in a gym with both aerobic and weights, eats a mostly vegetarian diet, has lost weight, and still diabetes is eating him up.

Diabetes ate up my Mother and Father, most of my mother's sisters and brothers.  Some lost limbs before they passed, but most lost their kidneys.  NONE lost their will to fight this disease.  And yet it continues to chew us up, like a caterpillar on a lief, one bite at a time, only the diabetes caterpillar likes to chew on nerve fibers, capillaries, then moves to larger veins and arteries, with an insatiable hunger, chewing, chewing, chewing...

The Universe is kind...

Across the Universe

The Beatles - Across The Universe

Patty Griffin - I Don't Ever Give Up

Melissa Etheridge & Patti Griffin - It Don't Come Easy (Live)

Patty Griffin - Forgiveness

Up to the Mountain

Patty Griffin performs Up To The Mountain

I don't know...

Looking at the world today, with probably thousands of people having met the end of their roads, it makes me think of mortality.  Not necessarily in a morbid way, more like a practical way.

There are many people that think the "End of the World" is coming, and I, too, look for signs of that time.  I suppose it was taught to me by my psychotic mother, may she rest in pieces.  Or perhaps I picked it up when I was a little girl, when I was being taught by Nuns in my catechism of reading the Bible.  I got caught up in reading it through and through, of course finding alot of the stories quite ironic.  But the gentlemen that put together the different chapters and verses of the Bible left the best and most perplexing book for last, that of Revelations.  Of course, I really started to get into it when I was pretending to be a good Mormon wife after buying into the doctrine.  But enough of me.

I keep going back to my messed up emotional roots whenever something terrible happens on Earth.  Then I remember my father-in-law, Arnold, and how as he got older he kept saying that "the world is going to hell in a handcart."  It was a bit annoying then, but I'm starting to understand where he was coming from.  It seems that each generation, after we reach a certain age where you start to look forward to the end of your life due to the pain that has been thrust upon you due to time, gravity, genetics, poor self maintenance -- whatever the reasons, many of us start looking for Armageddon.  Why?  Because as much as we may enjoy individually wallowing in our own physical, mental and emotional pain, we don't want to die alone.  And ultimately, just as it was in our own individual births, even if we die in a crowd, we are still alone in our experience of death.

I guess my attempt at no morbidity went by the wayside.  What I really wanted to get across in today's blog is that EVERY DAY is the end of the world for someone.  Someones personal Armageddon ends at the time of death.  So I pray for all the souls that left in a hurry these past couple of days in Japan due to the earthquakes and the tsunamis, and pray that their journey was quick and filled with love, and that their transformation from clay to spirit was easy and hopefully what they expected, or better.

The Universe is Kind...

Black eyed peas - where is the love (lyrics)

To my viewers...

Hi new readers!  If you are viewing my blog for the first time, please feel free to click on the follower's link.  Make comments, let me know what you think and what your personal philosophy on life is.  I'm always open to making new friends and discovering new points of view.

I added a new picture to my profile today.  I took the flower pictures on a beautiful and rare trip we took to Maui, Hawaii.  Everywhere we looked there were new things to see, and we especially loved seeing the whales.  The trip was in February of 2007 -- one we will remember and cherish all the days of our lives!

Have you ever met someone, not in person, but on the telephone, perhaps just doing your normal business routine, but that someone had such an impact on you that you will never forget them?  I had two of those meetings today, both were people who disclosed they were diagnosed with a terminal illness, one man and one woman.  Now, you might expect someone with that type of diagnosis to be in poor spirits, but exactly the opposite was true!  They were delightful to talk with and had great attitudes about their diagnoses. 

I have personally had two cancer diagnoses in my life, and thankfully, I have beat them both.  Since I had cancer, I've developed my own outlook on life.  It has taken a while, trudging through the mud of depression and revisiting my own spirituality, but I've recently begun to awaken from the long twilight of depression and am seeing a new light of peace that is drawing me to it.  And this light of peace is motivating me to share the light with others, one person at a time.  I only hope and pray that I can be as enlightening to others in a 10 - 20 min conversation as the above people were to me today.  I wish them joy in their challenges and a loving transition.

The Universe is Kind....

Published in Feb 2011 in Diversity magazine

Title: What's up with that?

By Linda M Chadburn

01/14/2011

There is something going terribly wrong in the world lately.  First the shooting of a mother by her son here in the Treasure Valley.  Then the senseless violence in Tuscon, AZ.  It seems like there is an increase in violence all over our country and the world with terrorist bombings and other threats and actions of violence.

Is the problem a lack of civility and civil discourse as President Obama so eloquently stated at the memorial in Tuscon?  Is it the uprising of sociopaths in our society?  Is it due to the lack of parental guidance, or is it the work of dark forces that have been unleashed, as the End of Time watchers perceptions put forth?  Can we blame the violence on a generation raised with violent video games, violent television programs, violent speech from adults who should know better, violent movies, etc?
We all see and may have first hand experience with violence in the home, violence in the workplace, violence in our own neighborhoods.  And, of course, the violent and uncivil behavior that our GLBTQ community faces every day while just trying to live our lives peacefully, trying to be good citizens in our neighborhoods and community at large.

Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

I've been asking myself, has the violence increased over my lifetime of 50-something years?  I remember in the '60s and '70s, the generation that was supposedly all about "peace and free love for all," we experienced racial violence in high school bathrooms, gay bashing was taken as a sport in some circles; these were the years when Charles Manson, a self-proclaimed reincarnated Jesus Christ, lead a group of followers to senseless violence against innocent people, to try and incite the "racial war" he prophesied would come.

Moving up through the '80s and '90s, children began having access to weapons, shooting their teachers, principals, and classmates, making the excuse of being bullied.  I was bullied as a child because I was odd; my children were bullied because their mother was lesbian and for oddities of their own; and only now is society looking at the issue as a possible cause of continuing and seemingly increasing senseless violence.

I have to ask the question -- is violence really increasing?  Or could it be that we are just becoming more aware of incidents of violence due to the instantaneous reporting from all corners of the earth?  And just because we are getting bombarded with the reports of violence, are we creating our own self-fulfilling prophecies, exposing more children to "real" violence as opposed to the "fake" violence some of us grew up with?

Now, I want each of my readers to stop for a minute, calm down; I have been playing the Devil's Advocate.  I am now and have been my whole life, a pacifist -- one who prefers peaceful discourse and peaceful assembly for protest.  I abhor violence and avoid it even in the media I choose to watch/read/play in my spare time.  The word "pacifist" has become synonymous with cowardice in our culture, but the pacifists I know are anything but.

I believe, as does President Obama, that we can come to better understanding of each other and our differences of opinion through discussion -- civil discourse.  We can disagree about various topics, i.e., gun control, the mental health of our nation, or how to allocate our tax dollars within our respective communities, WITHOUT VIOLENCE.  Talking over a nice piece of pie.  Acknowledging our differences of opinion as a way for our society to grow, both together and as individuals.

It's really NOT TOO LATE!  As long as we can agree at times, and agree to disagree at others, but still remember that our diversity created this country, we will come out of this time of mourning with the one thing ALL of us ultimately strive for in life -- WISDOM.

Bullied -- Published in Diversity magazine Feb 2011

On Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 7 p.m., the Treasure Valley Metropolitan Community Church, along with The Community Center, sponsored a showing of "Bullied," a documentary produced by the Southern Poverty Law Center, that is designed to counter anti-gay bullying in schools.

The documentary is about Jamie Nabozny of Ashland, Wisconsin, who was tormented in middle school and high school while the bureaucracy of the school system, from the teachers to the principal to the school board, showed pronounced indifference and neglect of their charge to keep this young man free from bullying, that progressed to harassment and ultimately to physical violence.

This blatant neglect of protection from bullying and violence, led this young man to the brink of suicide.  His mother was doing her best to help him, but what she didn't realize was the school district personnel would not listen to her, nor would they take action on her son's behalf.

Her son took charge of his destiny and was very lucky to find a social worker and legal help to take on his case.

The documentary was well produced and told this young man's story well, although it brought up more questions than it answered.

Discussion after the film brought to light what little information is available on the subject of bullying to the children in the various school districts in the Treasure Valley.  Two young people attended the showing, one a young woman of 14 years that is still progressing in her school district, the other a young man of 19 years who has graduated from high school in the Treasure Valley. 

The young woman described her journey, and the violence perpetrated upon her.  She fully identified with the subject of the film and the continuous assault on her body, mind and psyche from other classmates.  Only a handful of teachers and one principal was able to identify her problems and stepped in during her developing years in middle school.  She was removed from the school district to an "opportunity" school, which turned out to be the best move for her.  She is now thriving in her studies and intends to go on to college. 

The young man was accompanied by his mother to the documentary.  He was able to get through the school system without too many scars, yet he could identify with the film having seen his peers suffer similar abuse in high school.

The question of the night was, what can we adults do to help bring about a better atmosphere free of bullying for all children in our schools?  Should some kind of diversity training be introduced in schools?  How young should we begin this training?

We need to find a way to make the public aware of the less-than-adequate job our public schools are providing for the safe and secure environment that our children need to learn properly in our schools.

One suggestion is to develop a Gay/Straight Alliance group in each high school so students who are questioning can safely gather for discussion and education about each other's similarities and differences. 

The adults attending were surprised to learn from the teens that a documentary like this could not be shown in school, that they are forbidden from talking about things like drugs, anything relating to sexual or gender issues, anywhere near schools. 

Check out the Southern Poverty Law Center on the internet at http://splcenter.org/ .

Inspiration from Psalm 49

By Linda M Chadburn

01/15/2011

(Inspired by the content of Psalm 49.)

Yea, Lord.  You found me
     in the pit of Desolation;
     my clothes in tatters upon
     the walls of the pit
     with torn flesh,
     mixed blood and earth.

You found me
     sitting bloody at the bottom,
     hugging my knees, eyes downcast
     cold and near death
     seeking remembrance of the
     journey that led to this
     constant despair.

You found me
     when I caught a glimpse
     of a little girl who
     dedicated her life to you long ago
     with the words
     "Thy will be done on earth
     as it is in Heaven."

You found me
     as I struggled to my feet,
     lifted my eyes to Heaven,
     lifted my arms to you and
     asked your forgiveness for
     my transgressions, and thanked
     you for inspiration
     in my darkest hour.

You found me
     and veiled me in crisp linen,
     wrapped me tightly and
     lifted me in your arms;
     you laid me in a cool river,
     you cleansed and healed my wounds.
     You sat with me to rest
     beneath a tree covered in
     purple blossoms.

You found me
     and when I was rested
     you looked into my eyes;
     my heart melted into pure love.
     I felt your comfort and heard your counsel,
     and knew that those who have been brought low
     will be exalted in your house.

First Sunday in Lent, March 13, 2011

First Sunday in Lent, March 13, 2011

By Linda M Chadburn

Lord, I set upon the altar of sacrifice my arrogance and transgressions, asking forgiveness, trying to hide from your presence.

I freely choose to offer my sacrifice, knowing you know me better than I could ever know myself.

My arrogance is the temptation to think you don’t see my transgressions hidden from the world in my actions and thoughts.

I pray for strength of character to emulate your son, Jesus, when he was tempted in the desert; that I can be worthy of your eternal light.

Ash Wednesday's guide to a successful Lenten Season

This is some of my writing... obviously for church!

Ash Wednesday’s guide to a successful Lenten Season

‘Remember O’ man you are dust and to dust you shall return’ (Genesis 3.19)

This is the traditional meaning of Ash Wednesday as I was taught to believe in my Catechism classes in the Roman Catholic Church.  We were taught that we were to give up something we liked, for example, chocolate, television, something that was hard for us to live without for the 40 days of the Lenten season.  We were taught that this was how we were supposed to emulate Christ in his 40 days of fasting in the desert before he fully took on his ministry.

Now that I have matured in my faith, I now believe that the “giving up” part of the Lenten tradition is actually an immature way of imparting the true meaning and method of the fast, the true cleansing that the fast is meant to bring about.  The “giving up” kind of fasting actually can work against the true meaning of spiritual fasting, thereby bringing about the type of fasting that God frowns upon.

Matthew 6:1-4; 14-18

1 “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

 2 “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,

4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

16 “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face,

18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. .  (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%206:1-21&version=NIV)

“The imposition of the ashes is hypocritical if there is no corresponding change in behavior to renounce sin and repent. The applying of the ashes, fasting and penance must also be accompanied by gestures of peace and solidarity with the poor and suffering and a resolve to refrain from sinning. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of repentance, penance and a spiritual flowering of the spirit….”  (http://www.altiusdirectory.com/Society/ash-wednesday.html)

Repentance, penance and a spiritual flowering of the spirit!  What beautiful ideas!  And to think that in this time we live in when everything we do, hear and say moves at the speed of light, we can STILL be able to repent, do penance and have a spiritual flowering of the spirit, only now we can do it faster than ever in world history.

Repentance is coming to the realization that we have wronged, whether to ourselves, our friends, family or acquaintances, or to society in general.  Once coming to this realization, we bring our wrongs to God and ask for forgiveness.

Penance is righting the wrong in some way.  Some wrongs cannot be corrected directly, but that is the beauty of penance.  It’s up to US to make the correction in both our hearts and our physical universe, and when we feel the quiet personal satisfaction from the penitent action, we ask God to be sure we have fixed it.

The process of repentance and penance should be a personal experience between an individual and God, as expressed in the passages from Matthew 6.  The Lenten process is like preparing our spiritual ground for a garden, pulling unwanted grasses and weeds, making the rows, fertilizing and planting the seeds, and the actions of Lent, we prepare our internal garden for the spiritual flowering of the spirit!

‘Remember O’ man you are dust and to dust you shall return’ (Genesis 3.19)

The Ashes we take upon our forehead reminds us that we were and are made of the clay of the Earth, our spirit was breathed into us from God, so whatever our trespasses here on Earth in this clay should be repented (taking personal responsibility), perform penance (helping other clay beings to a better place), and create a continuous spiritual flowering throughout all the days of our lives.

Flies Time!

Yes, and time flies when you're having fun!  And I have been having a bunch of fun, or should I say, work, lately.

I am still working temp jobs, the latest one seems to be sticking longer than the rest (knock on wood and rub a lucky charm)!  I actually like what I'm doing even though it is probably the most boring thing I've done in a long time, but since it's so boring, I'm getting a ton of crocheting done at the same time.  Now that's what I call multi-tasking!

I've been getting more involved with the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) and have started a small Prayer Shawl ministry.  That's why I've been crocheting so much.  Last Sunday Alice, the other woman that has taken up this ministry with me, knitted me a beautiful Prayer Shawl!  Alice is a wonderful woman and between us we will have most of Boise covered in Prayer Shawls! :)

I've also been helping with the writing and gathering of writing for our Sunday services.  Sometimes I amaze myself with what I can come up with when I just let the words flow from my heart to my hands.  I'm going to have to post some of the writing here on the blog one day when I figure out how to do that.

I've also begun to sew again after an 12 year hiatus.  I'm making some chasubles for the Pastor, along with some stoles.  It feels good to make this breakthrough and start to create more in a positive way. 

Kris is doing well and has lost almost 100 lbs since her gastric bypass she had in October 2010!  It's quite amazing, although I still don't think the surgery is something I want to go through.  We each must pick our own road through this life, and I'm relatively satisfied with my choices thus far.

Kris and I are also getting more involved in the LGBTQ community, just making tiny baby steps out into the world of politics and such.  The politics in Idaho is a bit different, conservative, and takes some finesse to get things done.  It seems that the whole world's political environment is changing so quickly, it's hard to just jump into the stream and not get swept away by the force of the changes.  Hopefully by participating a bit more we can help make a positive difference, at least in Idaho.